Let go and let flow.

Disguises and the complicated fervent beauty of the fake and the evil-hearted and the ulterior-motivated is what makes this world spin. Or what keeps us walking on its flat surface. See, even that is a deception.

In 2012, I will make a conscious effort to be quickER to listen and slowER to speak. Lord have mercy it will be difficult lol but that is my “New Year Resolution”. I will pray about that everyday. And if I slip up, kindly remind me =). Once I hit post on this thing, it will be on the internet forever, unless I delete it, which I won’t, so I will try my very very hardest =D

This is my goodbye post to 2011. I’ve seen a lot. Done a whole lot more. Released myself from the “abyss” that 2010 dealt me hahaha. I realized who the legit and good people are in my life and who, simply put, weren’t. I lived the single life for the first half of the year (happily) and fell in love with the most awesome man in the world and rocked with him for the second half (humbly). Two things that I have learned this year: 1). My mouth can be my most deadly weapon; both to others and myself. I have to learn that everyone can’t take all that comes with me and what I say and that I MYSELF can’t always take the things that I say and the way that I deliver them. Hahaha. I need to learn when and to whom and in what situations to let it all go or bring it all back. I am definitely a fireball. And that has been a good and bad thing. 2). That nothing is in my control and that worrying about life and it’s happenings is just a waste of my sweet and loving time. I can only do so much and worrying about everything that is out of my control is stupid man.  This year was a humbling and gratifying experience. No doubt. I am thankful and blessed for the lessons that it has taught me and I thank God for pulling me through another one. Good stuff. Adios ‘11=)

Complete restoration only comes from God. Whatever has happened in the past, however it has made you feel; whether it’s made you numb to certain things or people or emotions…you cannot give wholeheartedly of yourself when there are pieces missing and broken within yourself because of the past. I pray for people in my life, including myself, that need to be healed and restored. Whether they need forgiveness or need to forgive. Whether they need to apologize or need to give an apology. Whether their heart has just been broken one too many times and they just don’t have the energy to give to certain aspects of relationships anymore. The past and the people in it can no longer be used as a crutch or an excuse as to why people just don’t or can’t. I can’t use it as an excuse anymore. I pray that God gives us these things so that we can be untainted by the past and move into 2012 brand new people ready for any and everything=)

Dystopia (n.): An imagined state or place in which everything is unpleasant or bad. Opposite of utopia.

To have a plan B. Because you know, things don’t always go the way we plan them too! :)

There wasn’t enough of me involved.

My passive aggressive personality

Was definitely at its peak.

Didn’t love myself enough

To walk away.

Let the comfort…ability of you

Coax me to stay.

In retrospect

I handled it the best I could.

I mean I guess.

Won’t do that mess again.

That’s for damn sure.

But obviously she would.

Or she is…or she does?

haha

Poor, frail shortie.

Nevertheless.

I won’t come.

Expecting anything more or less

Because now there is too much

Of me involved

To allow myself to even get involved.

I digress.

I’m a genius.

Someone should write my name on a plaque.

Better yet.

Send me a duzo.

For every day of the week.

Yellow not red, please.

Because I’ve recognized the twisted puzzle,

The complex landscape,

The beauty and strength

That is you.

Just take myself and my emotions out of the equation and be a friend. A lot of the times, that is the difference between another person feeling secure and feeling insecure. The line is thin and if the spotlight is too much on you, the other person could feel like “Well, what’s the point?”. I know that when I get upset, I can hold a pretty mean grudge. But right now, there is something deeper beneath the surface. It’s best to just ask and listen rather then assume. So, I’m here. Pushing myself out of the way to be a friend and just be there=)